Never Fall In Love
Even if you get my warning in time, you will do it anyway. You’ll fall deep into it eventually, if you haven’t already. I guess it’s human nature. I’m not against love. In fact, I’m an advocate for it. I want each and every couple to live a life of blissful and untainted love, but even this idea is impossible to ever exist. Why? Because there will always be problems, there will always be arguments, and there will always be misunderstandings. Nothing wrong with that, just apart of the game. There is something wrong though, I believe, with the way we look at relationships. Especially when we fall in love. In this regard, love becomes the devil.
Stand In Love, Don’t Fall In Love
I heard Stephen Marley say this one time, “Stand in love don’t fall in love,” from his hit single Lonely Avenue. I also heard legendary motivational speaker Les Brown reiterate one time, “If you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything.” Both of these statements spoke to me. There seems to be something important and very vital to not “falling” into any idea, feelings or situations. But yet, they don’t seem to be saying not to participate, just be aware and understand the path you are on.
I decided a few years ago that I wasn’t going to get married until I was 50 years old. People said that would change. After all I have a girlfriend and together we have a son who is now 4 years old. Yet, since that time my mind has not shifted any closer to the idea of marriage. I still feel firm in my decision.
Friends say I’m scared of commitment. I respond yes, yes I am. Why wouldn’t I be? Why aren’t you? Shouldn’t we all be terrified by the idea of committing ourselves fully to someone for the rest of our lives vowing that we will overcome our own innate flaws and over look our partners imperfections. Is it not scary when more than a third of marriages in America end in divorce. Is it not scary to put yourself before an audience, a pastor, your family and God, telling them all that you are going to do right and abide by your word. For if our word has no value, what value could we ever have.
It’s nerve-racking, but people have gotten quite good at ignoring this fact until they reach the altar and all of the doubts we were holding in come spilling out in the terms of tears or trembles. It’s pictured as a beautiful thing. If only it stayed that way.
Be Ready To Lose
If you’re banking on love to save your relationship you have already lost. I said once in a video that happiness is earned. I got some interesting feedback. Nobody had heard that before, and more importantly nobody ever wants to hear it. Nobody wants to think about the work a relationship takes. Most people don’t even know what it means to work on it. The average persons idea of working on a relationship is staying in it. They think that they are standing firm, but in reality they are dropping like a stone.
You can’t win a battle if you have already lost mentally. You can’t catch yourself in the midst of a falling out if you were never standing in the first place. I’m not telling you to be cold and heartless or to put up barriers so that nobody ever gets close to you. You’ll never be happy that way. What I am saying is you must know what you stand for and what you believe in.
This is what our teachers in school forgot to put in the curriculum. How to run a successful relationship. That’s right. You have to run it like a business. You must treat it with respect and be meticulous in your operations. You need a mission statement and a WHY. You need to know your WHY for establishing and how you wish to grow your business. You need to know your relationship principles.
I’m not going to tell you what your relationship principles should be. Only you know what you want. I will share with you what they should be predicated on.
- How you want to be treated
- How important sex is to you
- How you want to communicate
- How you want to treat and serve your partner
- Do you want to give first or receive?
- What do you expect from your partner?
- How do you see yourself interacting on a daily basis?
- What do you wish to bring to the table?
- How important is money?
- How important is family?
- How much time should you spend together?
- How important is individualism/separate lives or friends?
- What emotionally can you handle/not handle?
- What actions won’t you accept from your partner?
- What self actions would you be ashamed to exercise within a relationship?
- Do you want to be exclusive?
- How do you feel about PDA?
These are just a few ideas that I came up with. You may ask yourself more questions that are inline with your belief system and that is exactly the point. When you stand in love you go into a relationship with a predetermined notion on who you will love. You can fall in love with anybody. It takes no effort, doesn’t mean you should love them though. Doesn’t mean that you should be in a relationship with them, or pursue them. Being in love is just a stronger and more intense form of attraction. To STAND IN LOVE is to choose who it is you will love based on your principles and beliefs. You still need to be attracted to them physically, but the next step to choosing the right bond for you is to do just that. CHOOSE. Don’t let chance take over because chance is blind to the incompatibilities. Chance is naive and ignorant to the red flags. Chance will take a chance on the enemy.
I’m not a love doctor, more like a love philosopher. What is your philosophy on love? Who is worth your love? Is your love a pitfall or are you standing strong in it while the current around you washes away the impurities? If you’ve already fallen into the love trap don’t worry, there is still time to stand back up.
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Mel Jones #coachMP