Reading & Speaking Body Language
When it comes to the most important and useful skill that a human being could ever have, it would be the ability to solve problems. When it comes to dealing with people, the most useful skill would be reading and speaking body language consciously and on command. Why? Because you will be able to successfully avoid more potential problems as well as solve them a whole lot faster.
There is no exact known percentage on this, but psychologist believe that around 80-90% of communication is absorbed through non-verbal factors, including body language and vocal variety. No body really knows for sure, but it is safe to say that most of the communication that humans do is through movement and yet most people pay it no mind when they are communicating with another individual.
Why is body language fluidity so important in everyday life? Because we are constantly seeing and receiving signals that trigger certain emotions within us. These emotions then influence how we react and respond. A person can mean well but their body language could seem hostile. A man might speak with a soft voice, using soothing words attached to clever sentences, yet the woman he is communicating with may be distracted and overwhelmed by the seemingly over use of his hands during the interaction. How many attempts to take someone out on a date was foiled by the uncontrolled and unrecognized body language?
Read between the eyes
Whenever you come into contact with someone, where do you spend most of your time looking? It typically depends on who the other person is. If they are your boss, you might look them straight in the eyes without blinking as to let them know that they have your full attention. If they are your secret crush, you might look down as an attempt to not let them see your true feelings for them. If they are a complete stranger, you may look up, down, and all around for you are not to sure what to think of them. In all these situations, do you ever consider just looking at the other person as a whole?
With soft eyes and the aid of your peripheral powers, you can capture the entire dance of an individual. No need to be scared, I guarantee the other person is just as self-conscious, if not more than you are. Just look at them, as if they are a long time friend. The look of non-judgment and openness will allow yourself the chance to calm down and peer into another persons soul without their permission. They are telling you exactly how they feel in that very moment, but you can’t just listen to their words or look at their eyes. You need to read everything that is happening within your line of vision because only a part of the story is being told from the neck up.
Speak before you speak
When I walk into a room, a building, a parking lot, or on a stage I have one goal in mind. I want people to read and translate in their minds a very specific idea. That Mel Jones is a confident son-of-a-gun who believes in what he’s doing and knows who he is. I want people to believe that I am not the slight bit concerned with them. Not in a mean way, but in a non-judgmental way. When I look at you I want your brain to tell you “ok he sees me, he notices I’m here, he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it, it looks as if he is not thinking about anything particular, he looks so sure of himself, as if every move is conducted on purpose, and if he’s not thinking about what I’m doing I wonder what he is thinking about?” I know, I’m a little weird, but I’ve been practicing this for a long time and I have to admit that I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
What’s the point of this? We all want to be perceived a certain type of way by other people. The problem is that we wait until we are in direct contact with someone before we consciously begin to try constructing this fantasy image of ourselves. By this time, it is typically too late. The other person can sense this sudden shift in your demeanor and may become defensive against anything you attempt to communicate with them from then on.This is why you want to exude this desired perception before you ever enter into a dialogue with a person. Learn to intentionally speak the non-verbal language.
Study the language
This is not about manipulation or taking advantage of anyone. This is about sharpening your body language skills. You go to school to learn English right? In fact, you spend 12 mandatory years learning and refining your English writing, reading and speaking skills, and for what? We learn most of what we need to know before High School, but stopping there would limit our abilities to express and learn from others. Our communication skills suffer when our knowledge of the language are lacking. The same with body language. Business, dating, parenting, and friendships and all predicated off of successful body communication along with effective verbal dialogue. Why limit yourself to the fluidity of one form of expression when we live in a world that forces us to communicate in duality.
We are hormonal, emotional, and logical beings who are constantly giving off an array of vibes that are both expected and taboo. It is important that you recognize them all for they are all spoken on a daily basis whether it be directly,indirectly, by accident or intentional. A few resources that will help you in this department of reading and speaking the language of the body are:
- Signals by Allan Pease
- The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene
- The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- King by Elliott Hulse
- Mindwise by Nicholas Epley
Understand that body language does not stop at the physical body. It includes your physical actions as well. Even if a person cannot not see you physically doing something, knowing that you voluntarily cleaned up the lobby or fed the homeless on your own time is a form of indirect communication that is being read by others even without your knowledge. Sometimes what you don’t do is read more clearly than what you actually do. These are all things to consider while on your journey to Mastering your ability to speak and read body language.
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Mel Jones the BEAST